All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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