i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
