I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
