I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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