Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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