Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
