I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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