Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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