My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
