I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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