Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
