so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
