So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
