he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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