Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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