then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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