I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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