everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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