That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
