I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
