I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
