he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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