guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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