I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
