oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
