So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
