i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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