After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
