I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
