you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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