Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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