i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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