I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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