apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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