We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
