can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
