u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
