Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
