Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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