doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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