I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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