when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
