I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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