just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
