so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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