Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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