Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
