Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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