weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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