Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
