Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my poor anus
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
