New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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