there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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