i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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