I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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