It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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