Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
