I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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