You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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