i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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