I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want to be your penis for a week.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How naked do you want me to be?
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