I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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