Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
