I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
