Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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