That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
