So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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